My one word for 2013.

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While laying in the grass on a wet towel on a breezy day at the pool this summer, I wrote the above words on a fresh page in my journal.  My mom was watching my daughter so I could have a few hours to myself, to stop, slow, think, breathe and be quiet.  On that fresh, unblemished journal page, these are the words that poured forth.

When I wrote them, there were still four whole months left in 2012, and I thought that "change" was the most important word of the two, as you see I scrawled it in all caps.  But through the last several months, I've come to learn that "EMBRACE" is the most important for me - the word that will hopefully define my life in 2013.

I love the idea of choosing one word to focus on throughout the year.  Several of my favorite bloggers (like Sarah & Amanda to name a few) have done the same, and it's inspired me to choose my "one word" for 2013.

Here are some of the dictionary's definitions of embrace:

  • to take or receive gladly or eagerly; accept willingly: to embrace an idea
  • to avail oneself of: to embrace an opportunity
  • to take in with the eye or the mind

Yup, all of those.  I'm in.  So here's what I'm thinking...

Now, where do I start?  Embracing who I really am is a big one.  You see, at age 35, I've just had a huge epiphany - I am a different than who I thought I was.  I have an entire post on this coming soon, so let's just say this: I'm still an introvert.  But after living in this skin for thirty-five years, it's like I'm meeting myself for the first time.

Yes, this year is about embracing.  I love the way blogger Sarah Bessey says it:
Let me be fearless about aging. Let me welcome each day, each year, as a friend and own them as a gift. Let me welcome the changes in my body and in my opinions.
And this goodness from Psalm 27:1 in The Message: 
Light, space, zest—
    that’s God!
So, with him on my side I’m fearless,
    afraid of no one and nothing.

 

A letter to you at two-and-a-half.

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Luci Belle,

It seems that you've changed overnight - chattering and joking and pretending more than ever.  I don't want to forget the details of these fleeting days with my toddler-who-is-becoming-a-little-girl.

So, here are some fun things I want to remember about you at age 2 1/2...

  • You sing "happy birthday" to everyone and anyone, regardless of whether it's their birthday.  We actually had a real birthday party to attend on Saturday - a "dress-up" tea for your friend turning 3.  Before the party, we had to have a little talk because you grabbed your friend's present and said, "This is MY present.  I'm going to MY birthday party."  You chose your outfit for the party - a ballerina tutu and pink tights.  At the party, were the presents or cake your favorite?  Nope.  You were perfectly happy playing kitchen, hopping like a bunny down the sidewalk, and chasing after a round birthday balloon.  That evening before bed, I asked, "What's your favorite thing you did today?"  You smiled and acted like you were about to tell me a secret and whispered, "Berfday party."
  • Later in the day as we were passing a grouping of trees on our way to the park, you asked, "Mommy, is this a rainforest?"  We'll credit Dora and Diego for that one.
  • After the park, we were driving to a friend's house, and you declared, "I want an ice cream cone.  With chocolate chips."  I told you we didn't have cones, but maybe we could make ice cream later when we got home.  You replied, "Mommy, let's go to CONEY ISLAND!"  What?
  • When we got home from the park, you wanted to get out of your car seat and play in the front seat of the car (turned off of course).  After a lot of fresh air and sunshine, Mommy was in a good mood so I let you linger and play in the car instead of rushing you inside.  I sat on the front steps for a good 20 minutes as you explored the front seat, turning down the visors, examining your teeth in the mirror, playing with bobby pins in the console.  After awhile I sauntered over to check on you.  "Whatcha doing?  Ready to go inside?" I asked.  Without even looking up, you answered, "No, I'm fixing this right now," and continued "fixing" the mirror on the visor.
  • You love to yell, "WATCH ME!" and then do your latest "trick" for us.  Lately, that includes lining up your puzzle pieces or toys and counting them, "reading" a book out loud, or building a castle with wooden blocks.  Sometimes you'll say, "STOP!  You stay here.  Now, watch me," and then go jump off the couch or go down the slide by yourself at the park.  I love seeing you develop self-confidence!
  • A few nights ago, I pulled out an old issue of Mothering Magazine and found an article that said, if you really want to get a good laugh, ask your toddler how they came into the world.   So I asked you, "Luci Belle, do you remember how you were you born?"  Your answer: "Jesus."
  • You are very - shall we say - spirited!  It keeps me on my toes!  We're working on keeping eye contact when you need to listen to me or Daddy and trying to teach you to relax a bit when you're all riled up.  The other day, I was upset about something and you put your hand on my shoulder and said, "It's okay, Mommy.  Just relax."
  • A few days ago, I asked if you wanted to take a walk and you said very matter-of-factly, "No, not today.  To-mow-wow."  Well we did take that walk the next day, and what an outfit you chose...

Yes, you are quite the character, little one.  And such a delight.

I had the sobering realization the other day that right here, right now...we're creating your childhood.  This is it.  What a responsibility, yet what an opportunity for me to remember that I can do my best as your mom, but ultimately I have to open my hands and know I cannot control your life.   I've said it before, and I want you to know it: your mommy isn't perfect.  But I hope in my heart of hearts that your first memories are wonderful ones, that you know how much you're loved and celebrated and treasured for the unique person you are.

Love,

Mommy

Inspiration today: parenting edition.

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Image: shelovesmagazine.com

Here are some inspiring words that have been speaking to my weary mama heart lately...

“the most fearless thing we can do is keep showing up with love and grace and joy in our real, right-now lives.”

  • Brave moms raise brave kids - post by Jen Hatmaker.  This post kicked my butt - so many mixed emotions.  I wanted to hug every word in this post, and then punch it in the face.  It's such a challenge finding the fine balance between raising our kids to be brave, to not be afraid, teaching them to trust...while also protecting them as parents especially when they are little.

  • 25 ways to stay calm as a parent - huge soul exhale.  I'm not the only one who freaks when my kid drinks the bathwater?  I'm not the only mom who feels like she says "no" way too much?  Time to calm.  Down.  

“I’m adopting a ruthless anti-frantic policy. I’m done with frantic. The new baseline for me: will saying yes to this require me to live in a frantic way? 

I’m saying no more often than I’m saying yes. I’m asking hard questions about why I’ve kept myself so busy all these years. The space and silence I’m creating is sometimes beautiful and sometimes terrifying.”

Do ya see a theme here?  Thankful for inspirational women who encourage - the real ones in my everyday life and yes, even those online friends I've never met.

~ ~ ~

Enjoy your day!

Heart-sick.

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News of the elementary school shooting today in Newtown, CT has left me shaken, sickened, horrified.  I visited Newtown in grade school to stay with my pen pal Karen Lawlor one weekend.  It's a small town, like any small town in America.  A small town full of people just living their lives.  And today their small town has been victimized, touched by evil.

Today, I beg the Lord to come soon and redeem this broken, broken mess .  When days are good, I want to stay here on earth as long as possible, to continue experiencing the joy, beauty, and delight that's possible here.  But on days like these, I'm reminded how we are dust, how it's all temporary, how life in Heaven will make this sorry earth look like garbage compared to what's awaiting us there.

The worst part is, this news story will all "blow over" in a few days, but these families will still be left to face life without their sweet children.  How?  It's unfathomable.  As a parent, I honestly don't know how I would survive this.

For now, there is only one option for me - to believe there will be redemption.  There is comfort. 

Lord, break our hearts like those parents who lost their children.  Let us fight for the light that overcomes the darkness.  Let us wait in hopeful expectation for the redemption that will come.

Obama's speech was beautiful.

He will restore. (30 days of thankfulness - day 30)

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I can think of no better note on which to end this month of thankfulness.  A few weeks ago in the middle of my Bible Study Fellowship lecture I was reminded of this verse:

“I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten..." (Joel 2:25)

I scrawled the verse on my notebook page, and underneath it in bold letters with my turquoise Papermate pen, I wrote, "HE WILL RESTORE."  Tears came into my eyes as I thought of our lives, the lives of so many close friends, filled with so much beauty and so much loss.  And so much hope.  God will restore.

Then, while taking a bath tonight, I read this passage in Anne Lamott's newest book, Help, Thanks, Wow: The Three Essential Prayers...

I practically burst into tears right there in the bathtub.  My thankfulness posts are now all overlapping and intertwining, and I see how God weaves these beautiful stories.  I'd miss them if I didn't practice thankfulness, taking the time to write it down and see how it all connects.

My little family, we've lost much - more than is appropriate to share here in this public space.  But we will - and already have - receive back for what we've lost.  It might not be in the way we've pictured, but it will be good.  The details don't really matter, because what I want to communicate today to each and every person who reads this is that He will restore.  And that's the best possible news I can think of at this very moment. 

~ ~ ~

During the month of November, I'm practicing "30 days of thankfulness" - will you join me?  Use your blog, Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram to voice your thankfulness for something every day in November.  My hope is that this daily routine will create in me a heart of thankfulness and gratitude, no matter the day or month or situation.

My daddy. (30 days of thankfulness - day 24)

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My daddy has championed my cause since day one, supporting and loving me.  I'm so thankful to have a father like him.  His life hasn't been easy - he's worked his fingers to the bone, with calloused hands to prove it.  He's lost both parents and both his siblings, one a few years ago, and one in a tragic car accident when she was only in her 20s.  He survived cancer.  He just keeps truckin' - a true fighter.

I have so many fun memories with my dad, but I especially love these photos...circa 1982 at Virginia Beach where we always vacationed as a family, where his strong hands would hold me in the water and keep me safe from the waves.  And then on my wedding day when he gave me away to the man I would marry...

This past August in New Jersey, I got to have time alone with just my daddy for the first time in a very long time.  I took him on a "date" to his favorite restaurant, Charlie Brown's, and then we took a drive through the country with the windows down.  I loved seeing his eyes twinkle, hearing his voice light up as he drove me through the countryside, reminiscing about his old haunts from childhood.

In a letter my daddy wrote to me my senior year in high school, he said,

"I knew from the day you were born that you will do something special with your life.  I want you to know that I love you very much and am proud to be your father.  Just keep doing what you're doing and you'll be fine."

And that pretty much sums up the way my dad loves me.  Always standing in the wings supporting me, cheering me on.  I'm blessed to be the daughter of a man like that.

~ ~ ~

During the month of November, I'm practicing "30 days of thankfulness" - will you join me?  Use your blog, Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram to voice your thankfulness for something every day in November.  My hope is that this daily routine will create in me a heart of thankfulness and gratitude, no matter the day or month or situation.

Thirty-five. (30 days of thankfulness - day 22)

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On Thanksgiving Day, I celebrated thirty-five years on this earth.  How did that happen?  Wasn't I just turning 25, arriving home from dinner with friends in Nashville, and then stunned by a surprise party at our little abode in Hillsboro Village?  Back then, I was about 85 times tanner than I am now, with bushier eyebrows and a lot more makeup.  I guess I had more to prove then.  I certainly haven't "arrived" and keep discovering more about myself that I want to refine and change.  But there is something about the thirties that has helped me settle into more of who I really am.  And it gives me joy to realize that most of the people who were at that party are still close friends.

I love when my birthday falls on Thanksgiving, because I usually keep forgetting it's my birthday.  This introvert is perfectly fine with that; I'd rather be wrapped up in the wonderfulness of the holiday.  This year we got to spend Thanksgiving weekend with our dear friends Paul and Brooke in smalltown Athens, TX, about an hour from Dallas.  Over the course of this weekend, I was reminded again how much my soul craves smallness, how the love of a small town's simplicity and slower pace of life is deep in my bones.

The day was so memorable from beginning to end.  I was with my husband and daughter, my two best gifts.  It was a coolish breezy fall day, causing brilliant red, orange and yellow leaves to shower down on us the entire day.  A gorgeous table with mismatched chairs was set outdoors; about 20 of us held hands and gathered around for a prayer.  These were precious people who made us feel like part of the family. There were wild red wagon rides, moments in the wooden swing, chalk drawings, and some light drizzle to drive us inside to embrace the coziness.  And at the end, a double rainbow arched across the sky, God's little promise to me.

Another year of this perfectly imperfect life, and I couldn't be more thankful.

~ ~ ~

During the month of November, I'm practicing "30 days of thankfulness" - will you join me?  Use your blog, Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram to voice your thankfulness for something every day in November.  My hope is that this daily routine will create in me a heart of thankfulness and gratitude, no matter the day or month or situation.

 

Bible Study Fellowship. (30 days of thankfulness - day 20)

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A vivid image from my childhood: my mom with her worn Bible open, her scrawling cursive filling up the blank spaces of her Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) lessons.  I must have been in grade school at the time, but it was obviously a memorable image - my mother intentionally seeking the Lord in a non-negotiable time of study that I recognized as special and sacred.

Bible Study Fellowship is an international organization, so there are BSF chapters that meet at churches in 38 nations across the world.  The study year begins in September and ends in May, and during that time you study one book of the Bible - everyone around the world seeking the Lord and studying the same book at once.  Beautiful.

Earlier this year, my friend Melissa suggested that I join a local BSF class that was beginning this September - the designated book for this year was Genesis.  It's been so long - too long - since I've been in an organized, disciplined Bible study, and as much as I felt my soul craving it, I immediately started making excuses in my mind:

"Yeah, I already know Genesis.  Adam & Eve, Noah's Ark, Abraham."

"How could Genesis possibly be relevant to my everyday life in 2012?"

"I don't really have time for this." 

"Would Luci Belle be okay in the children's class separated from me for a few hours?"

But I took the plunge, and I can't possibly state more strongly how much it is changing me and how much my daughter is learning.  On a typical BSF day (Wednesday mornings), I drop Luci Belle at her class, where she eagerly runs to her teachers without a single tear.  Then I head to the church sanctuary where hundreds of women gather for a few songs before we split up to our small groups.  During small group time, we discuss the previous week's study notes and our answers to the questions.  After small group, we reconvene in the sanctuary for the lecture, which my education-loving self thrives on - notebook open and ready, Bible open, colored pens uncapped. Only through the Holy Spirit could a straightforward, very un-exciting lecture move a person to tears - which it has already done for me multiple times.

The BSF children's classes are not just childcare.  These teachers love the children deeply, pray for them individually, and teach them a pared-down version of the exact lesson we're learning that week.  My two-year-old is soaking it up like a sponge, asking me practically everyday if it's a "school day" and if she can go to "Bible school."  The second week of BSF, I inquired during the car ride home what she had learned that day.  She boldly declared, "Da Bible is twue."   Last week, we were getting ready to leave for BSF, and my husband picked her up and asked her if she was excited to go to Bible school.  She took her palm, placed it on his chest and said, "Jesus in heart, Daddy?"

I adore the ladies in my small group.  I didn't need another young moms group, but a group of women from diverse backgrounds and ages, and that is what I got.  Most women are older than me, and I love learning from their wisdom. 

More than anything, I'm pleasantly surprised how much Genesis is applicable to my daily life, how often I think about my BSF lessons all throughout my days.  I've found that the Word of God is absolutely "alive and active, sharper than any double-edged sword" (Hebrews 4:12).  The Scriptures have come alive to me once again, as I see the perfect picture of how the Word of God is a pursuant story, with cohesiveness from beginning to end.

~ ~ ~

During the month of November, I'm practicing "30 days of thankfulness" - will you join me?  Use your blog, Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram to voice your thankfulness for something every day in November.  My hope is that this daily routine will create in me a heart of thankfulness and gratitude, no matter the day or month or situation.