Inspiration today.

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  • 10 Things To Do Before You Click Online - a fun little free download from Ann Voskamp
  • In which I would pray, but I think I already am from Sarah Bessey's blog.  Yes.
  • This beautiful woman.
  • The joy of a new good read and the feelings it conjures. I'm currently reading Joy For Beginners by Erica Bauermeister.  The chapters have me lost in a world of freshly baked bread, the winding, mysterious streets of Venice, the scent of garlic sizzling, the coolness of summer in the Pacific Northwest.  And this passage from page 44 reminds me of the dance that happens when we cook together - Steven and I, and us with our closest of friends...

"They had cooked together in the small kitchen, moving around each other with the grace of long friendship, Caroline picking up and cutting the carrot that Marion had just peeled, Marion stirring the chicken in the saute pan while Caroline added the onions, followed by tomatoes.  Marion had brought the last of the oregano from her garden and the dusty-sweet smell filled the house when it touched the warmed oil.  Caroline cut thick slices of bread, bought from the bakery near her house, and scattered the carrots across the top of the salad.  Marion pulled the bottles of olive oil and vinegar from the cupboard, drizzling dressing across the lettuce, finishing with a few firm pulls from the salt grinder."

  • The Message version of The Bible is just what I need right now - simple, straightforward, common language.  Here are some passages that have been staggeringly beautiful to me lately...

"Run after peace for all you're worth."  (1 Peter 3)

"The conquering power that brings the world to its knees is our faith." (1 John 5)

"This Jesus is both True God and Real Life."  (1 John 5)

A perfect picnic.

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It was late on a warm, sunny Sunday morning.  We were two married couples, two sets of parents on the loose, four foodies, four best friends ready to reconnect, reveling in the freedom of having our moms to babysit our children for a few hours. 

And we were likely the only people to bring no less than the following items on a casual Sunday picnic: a giant coffee air pot, two glass champagne flutes, four ceramic mugs and four plates, and a full-size wooden pepper grinder.  But that's just what we do with these friends, Tommy and Linda.  We share our lives; we share our faith; we share our food.

So, we unfurled our plaid quilted blankets under an elegant oak tree and began the first course - coffee for the boys, Prosecco for the ladies, blueberry cake donuts all around.

Then, we carefully constructed sandwiches of homemade almond butter and peach and plum jam on squishy bread.  We opened a dish of still-steaming egg casserole, ate fistfuls of tart Texas blackberries.

We played catch, one of my favorite activities in the entire world, which I haven't had the chance to do since our daughter was born. 

It's so special to have friends who are like family - friends with whom you share your food, your faith, your lives.

We ate, we drank.  We exhaled.  We lay on our backs in the grass and listened to the crickets singing in the oak trees. We were refreshed.

And it was perfect.

View from the picnic blanket

Inspiration today.

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Photo: Kirby Trapolino / 30d.ch

And I know He watches me.

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A few weeks ago on a Saturday morning,  I sent my friend Linda this text:

SOS!  Need prayers for mom sanity.  Phone face just shattered.  Belle teething and clingy.  Feel like I am abt to lose it. 

And if I see one more dang fly...

Except I didn't say "dang" but something far worse.  Ugh.  Not one of my proudest moments.

Of course, it wasn't really about a broken iPhone or houseflies, but they were the straws that broke this weary camel's back.  It had been a very rough, stressful week, and I had reached the breaking point.

There is so much more I wanted to say to Linda at that moment but I could barely type on my shattered phone face, and I was pretty sure shards of glass were already embedded in my thumbs.

It didn't matter.  She immediately offered,

Oh no!  Wanna drop Belle off for an hour or so breather?

Before responding, I hesitated.  I felt like I was burdening her.  After all, she just had her first baby two months ago, and she was offering to bail me out?  I could handle this on my own...I just needed to vent, right?

But then I remembered all the harsh words I'd already spoken that morning to myself, to the poor dogs, and to my daughter, and I knew.  I needed to step away.

So I cashed in my "SOS."

I drove two blocks down to Linda's house and waited for her to come to the door.  With my head in my hands, I sat in a rocking chair on her front porch while my daughter rapped on the door excitedly.  After depositing her into my friend's trusted hands, I quietly drove the two blocks back home.

~ ~ ~

Back at the house, I made a smoothie and parked myself on the couch with my journal and Bible - my lifelines.  The first words I wrote were, "Lord, I need help..."

One of my favorite authors of all time, Anne Lamott, says that the two best prayers she knows are, "Help me, help me, help me" and "Thank you, thank you, thank you."  On this day, those are the best prayers I could utter.

So I wrote, pouring myself out to God.  I made bullet points of all the burdens that were nagging at my spirit like a dirty housefly swirling around my counter top.  And I felt better, like I had purged a lot of ugliness from my heart.

After journaling, I took a hot bath.  There in the steaming hot tub filled with bubbles and tangerine essential oil, He met me.  And He gave me a song.

Out of the blue, I began singing aloud,

I sing because I'm happy

I sing because I'm free

His eye is on the sparrow

And I know He watches me

Really?  I haven't heard or sung "His Eye is On The Sparrow" in years.  But the words resonated, and I sat there for a few moments with the melody pulsing through my warm skin, just reveling in the beauty of it.

And then, He gave me a memory.

About three years ago, our dear friends Chris and Julie Bennett, who pastor an Antioch Church in Norman, OK, prayed over us.  Julie's hands on my shoulders were like the hands of Christ Himself that day, the touch resonating through my entire body and every nerve ending.  In the middle of the prayer, I know I saw Jesus face-to-face.  Suddenly I was looking into the kindest, clearest eyes I'd ever seen in my thirty-one years, His face just inches from mine.  His eyes were filled with perfect peace.  I knew He could see me and all my burdens.  I knew that everything was going to be okay.

~ ~ ~

Back in the bathtub, a moment of realization:

The song - "I know He watches me..."

The memory - His eyes, seeing me.

Yes!  That's what He wanted me to know today.  He watches me.  He sees me.  He loves me.  He is Peace.

When I know He sees it all and is watching over me, how can I be afraid?  At the root of it, anger, frustration, entitlement - it's all fear.  Fear that things are not going to be okay.   Fear that maybe I really am the one who has to hold it all together.  Of course, those are lies.  Because, "There is no fear in love.  But perfect love drives out fear." (1 John 4:18) 

~ ~ ~

I'm thankful for friends who come to the rescue.

I'm thankful for this one hour to quiet my spirit before Him, undistracted.

I'm thankful that He cares when I'm struggling and when I'm fearing, even when my trivial problems of a broken iPhone and some flies in my house and a whiny {healthy, perfectly growing} toddler are the hardest parts of my day. 

I'm thankful He knows how much I adore being a wife and mother.  And that's why these ugly feelings are even more difficult to swallow.  

I am so very thankful to have Christ, whose love for me and my imperfect life is perfect and fearless and secure.

This kind of difficult day has happened since and will happen more.  And that will be another opportunity to re-shift my heart, to move toward gratefulness once again.

So here's a reminder {to myself more than anyone}...

When you feel like you're losing your mind,

Ask for help,

take time for yourself,

embrace Truth,

remember the sparrows,

and put things in perspective.

{And get a fly swatter.}

If He knows when the tiniest bird falls to the ground, He can surely take care of you.  And me.