From fear to faith.

My childhood summers were filled with one of the most wonderful pastimes - swimming all day, navigating the underwater crystally caverns, eating popsicles in the sun, drying off on a towel and eating snacks as the sun became lower in the sky. 

My swim teacher, Sharon, was a cute high-schooler with a short feathery hairdo and bright smile. As a young child, I thought the older lifeguards were practically celebrities, and my one-on-one swim lessons with Sharon were treasured times.  I felt so special when on the last day of swim lessons, she gave me her lifeguard whistle, which I still have to this day.

Now, my heart quickens to see almost-4-year-old Luci Belle learning to navigate the water, becoming a little fish in her own right.  This past week, she overcame a huge hurdle and learned to swim.  Before swim lessons started, my daughter wouldn't even allow a single drop of water to touch her face during bathtime.  She loved to swim in the pool but only with floaties on her arms.  I knew this was going to be a rough lesson to learn, but an essential one - for safety purposes if none other. 

When we arrived at swim instructor Mrs. Angie's pool on day one, she utterly panicked and clung to me, screaming.  It was all I could do to remind myself that this was a step my daughter needed to take without me.  I had to hand her over into the {loving, capable} arms of Mrs. Angie and step away.

From behind the tinted windows of Mrs. Angie's livingroom, I could see the pool but hear nothing.  Over the next few days, it was like I was watching a silent movie of my daughter moving from fear to faith.

The crocodile tears as she was reluctantly carried around the pool.

Then, the tears stopped flowing.

Tentatively sticking her chin in the water, then the rest of her face.

Being pulled up by strong arms to gasp for air.

The full body submersion, the kicking and reaching.

The smiles as she re-emerged and saw photos of herself underwater.

The look of hope and focus in her eyes as she tried her first jump.

Squeals of joy as she jumped off the side with abandon.

Confidence, empowerment, joy.

Because once you know how to navigate the waters, it's not scary under there; it's beautiful.

At the end of day two, she was already swimming freestyle across the pool, underwater, by herself.  I could hardly believe my eyes. 

Seeing her learn to swim brings back so many sweet memories for me.  It's so exciting to see her enter this new stage of childhood.

Now, she asks everyday if we can go swimming.  In the pool at a friend's house yesterday afternoon, she beckoned me over to where she was splashing around on the steps.  She said, "Mommy, come look!  It's magical under here!" as she dunked her face underwater without hesitation.  I smiled and swam over and joined her, because yes, I do know it's magical under there.  And I couldn't be happier to join her underwater and see for myself.

My daughter's leap of faith has led to freedom.  And this past week she's taught me more about courage, about taking risks, and about looking for the beauty that's just beneath the surface - if only you'll have the courage to jump in.

Whole30 - week one recap...

One week into the Whole30, and I just keep thinking about how amazing I feel.  Yes, amazing.  I understand how this program can change your life if you let it. 

The first few days, I definitely felt like I was dragging and craved chocolate and pancakes and carbs and carbs and more carrrrrrrbs.  But by day 4, I started to feel a huge difference.

A few observations so far...

• I actually feel full.  Before, I felt like I was constantly eating because I was always hungry and never satisfied.  After a full meal, I felt like I could always eat more.  But not now.  It's wonderful to have the feeling of fulness again.
• I'm not eating as much fruit.  I love fruit and think it's here for us to enjoy.  But I was definitely eating a ton of fruit before to satisfy sweet cravings.  Now my body actually craves more protein and fat rather than fruit.  If I do want fruit, I want it with nuts or coconut on top.
• The above meal was probably the most satisfying I've had so far - a grilled grass-fed beef burger {seasoned only with salt and pepper} with guacamole on top, and a side of homemade slaw.  For the slaw, I threw together red cabbage, shredded carrots, diced peppers, chopped cilantro, and raisins, and tossed it in vinaigrette {olive oil, apple cider vinegar, Dijon mustard, salt and pepper}.  It was perfect.
• My hair and skin look better. 
• My clothes fit better.
• I have more energy.
• It's ridiculous to feel deprived on this program.  With a plethora of healthy colorful food at my fingertips, how could I ever complain?  How selfish would it be to whine about not having chocolate?  Poor, poor pitiful American.  In this culture where nothing is ever enough, and we're used to getting what we want, it's good to restrict once in awhile.  And even that is abundance.
• When someone calls it a "diet," I jokingly reply, "This isn't a diet, it's a program."  But seriously, I will never be on a "diet" again in my life, as to me that means empty promises and crazy restrictions that could never be effective long-term. 
• Being more restrictive with what I'm eating on this program, I actually think about food less.  I feel much more freedom, like food doesn't have a hold on me.

And here are some "tricks" I've discovered so far that have helped tremendously...

• Plan ahead and make sure you have the right "on program" foods you need at all times.  Don't be unprepared, because minor freakout moments will occur, and the cravings will begin again.
• I can see one of the main keys to succeeding is making sure you have enough protein and fat in your diet to keep you full and keep the sweet cravings away.
• Keep it simple, but also be open to new recipe ideas.  @whole30recipes on Instagram has given me some great ones - cilantro mayonnaise is absolutely delish, and I love the idea of "eggs in a hole" using a bell pepper.
• Have something that's a "treat" that's not really a treat.  For me, it's an iced {decaf} coffee with coconut milk and cinnamon. 

Over the last week, I've watched people eat pancakes, cookies, and cake, and miraculously, I feel no jealousy.  I have no desire for those foods right now and would rather eat the life-giving foods I'm eating to feel vibrantly healthy.  Of course, I know I'll eat them again at some point, but for now, this is just what I needed to regain perspective, enjoy the simple food God has provided, and treat my body the best I can.

Twinsies.

Well, at least we each have a child that resembles us!

Whole30, let's do this.

It's time to bring in the reins a little.  Even though we eat almost all "whole" real foods at Casa de Bailey, we've gone a little overboard lately with the sweeteners {even natural ones like maple syrup and honey}, smoothies choc full of fruit, and "healthy" Paleo desserts.   I realize that during a tough day of parenting, I reach for the dark chocolate or another sweetened latté faster than I can say a prayer for help.  It's time to take a step back and lessen the hold that food has on my body and emotions.

Enter Whole30 - where you clean up your diet for 30 days straight, eating only whole, real foods.  The focus is on healthy meats and veggies, healthy fats, some nuts and seeds, with a bit of fruit.  No grains, no legumes, and no sweeteners of any kind are allowed, not even Stevia (insert wide-eyed nervous face).   Here are the rules. 

This is going to be hella-hard, but good.  I've done an anti-fungal diet for a month, and it's difficult, but at least I had Stevia so I could still have my beloved coconut milk lattés.  During Whole30, they're going to have to be unsweetened, which makes me shudder...which confirms how much I rely on that sweetness to satisfy myself.

What am I hoping to get out of this?

• Get back to the basics of simple food - taste and appreciate food in its most unprocessed, whole form.
• Loosen the grip of treats in my life, even those made with natural sweeteners.   Recapture the real taste of food without added sweetness.
• Along with strenuous walks and other exercise, get a jumpstart/reboot on toning up my body again, as it's pretty much unrecognizable to me after this last pregnancy.  I know I have a lot of muscle and strength under that fluff, so I'm not freaking out about it.  I'm just doing what I can to be as healthy as possible.

This morning, I went to the grocery store and stocked up on a rainbow of veggies and some fruit {mostly berries} to begin the journey.  This weekend, I'll add more produce from our Urban Acres share, some chicken and grass-fed beef, and Holy Kombucha. 

Whole30 starts tomorrow.  But first, a practice round this afternoon...{unsweetened} iced coffee with {unsweetened} homemade cashew milk and some cinnamon.  It really hit the spot.  I can do this. 

If you've done Whole30, do you have any recipes I must try?  And if you're doing Whole30 now, let's support each other!  We owe it to ourselves and our bodies to set our minds to this and do it fully.  I know I'll feel so much better at the end of this 30 days.  Are you with me?

Favorite homemade nut butter.

This is a staple in our house - homemade nut butter (usually almond) in a mason jar that lasts about 2.5 seconds before it's gobbled up completely. To me, homemade nut butter tastes so much better than what you'll find at the grocery store, and because the nuts are soaked and slowly dried first, it's actually a lot easier to digest.

From Sally Fallon’s book Nourishing Traditions…

“Improperly prepared nuts are very difficult to digest without depleting your store of digestive enzymes, making it difficult for you to gather any nutrients from the food you eat. Commercially available roasted nuts are most likely not soaked first which means they still have enzyme inhibitors. To make the awesome storehouse of nutrients in nuts available to you, you can soak and sprout them first."

So here's how I do it...

Ingredients:

• 2 cups organic raw almonds or raw pecans (or a mixture)
• Filtered water
• 1-2 Tbs sea salt
• Cinnamon
• About 1/4 cup extra virgin coconut oil

Directions:

First, soak dem nuts.  It takes a bit of planning, because you have to soak the nuts two days before, but it's worth it.  Before you go to bed, put the raw nuts in a big bowl and pour enough filtered water over them to cover all the nuts.  Some of the nuts will be floating on top but don’t worry, they will eventually sink into the water.  Sprinkle sea salt on top.  Cover the bowl with a towel and let soak for 8 hours overnight.

In the morning, simply pour the nuts into a colander or strainer so the water drains out.    Rinse them.  Then spread them onto a large cookie sheet so they are all in a single layer.  Sprinkle all the nuts with more sea salt, as much cinnamon as you want, and a wee bit of cayenne pepper if you want  (this is how I like them).

Then, I put them in my oven’s warming drawer on medium for approximately 24 hours.  If you don’t have a warming drawer, put them in the oven on the lowest possible temperature for around 24 hours.  Check the nuts periodically – they are done when they are perfectly dry and crispy, not chewy at all.

No one wants chewy nuts.

Now you're ready to make nut butter while the nuts are still warm (it makes it easier if the nuts are warm, but it's not required if you can't make them right away.)  You'll need a powerful blender (like a Vitamix) or a food processor.  First, melt the coconut oil.  If you're using a Vitamix, pour oil into the blender first, then the nuts. If you're using a food processor, first add the nuts and start processing them until they become pasty, then add the oil. 

Don't be afraid of the coconut oil!  Keep mixing and add a little more oil to make it the consistency you want.  If it’s crumbly and doesn’t hold together, there’s not enough moisture.  If you just want thick, pasty nut butter, you don't need as much oil.  I like mine creamy.

At the end, I add about 5 drops of Vanilla Crème Stevia or about a Tbs of honey to add a bit of sweetness.  You don't have to sweeten it though.

You could also add more cinnamon and cayenne pepper for a kick.  I've also seen people add dried unsweetened coconut flakes and blend them into the nut butter.

Done!  Scoop with a spatula into a glass mason jar with a tight lid and store it in the pantry.  It doesn’t usually stay uneaten for long!