Just a perfect day.

We all have those days when you just want to go inside a closet and scream at the top of your lungs.  I've had several lately - my almost 4-year-old has been going through a big emotional change and has entered a new stage of ear-shattering tantrums. 

But this day we had recently...it was just one of those perfect days.  Everyone had great attitudes, there was an abundance of sunshine, and it was warm, but not too warm (dare I say, fallish?).  My moments were filled with work caring and providing for my family balanced with just "being."

It began with my morning drink, slightly revised for Whole30: hot Yerba maté, warmed coconut milk, 1 date, and unsweetened cocoa powder whipped in the blender until frothy.  I added a sprinkle with pumpkin pie spice on top. So yum. 

We then packed up the car, double stroller, and all the random thingamajigs that Luci Belle puts in her purse and headed to Klyde Warren Park in downtown Dallas - an unbelievably beautiful place that's part of the Arts District.  It's privately operated so it's always super clean and safe - there are even employees walking around and an outdoor library where you can grab books and games to read on-site and return.  It was a gorgeous morning, and we seemed to have the entire children's area to ourselves.  Klyde Warren really has made Dallas way cooler - it's the perfect city park.  Reminds me so much of Hudson River Park in TriBeCa, NYC.

Then, we headed across the street to the Dallas Museum of Art which is totally free now!  The "Center for Creative Connection" had all kinds of play/art activities for children.  We sifted through buckets of tissue paper, buttons, wire, and tape and made some paper flowers.

There was an interesting exhibit there created by mothers for mothers, asking the question below.  Tiny pieces of tile were available where you could write your answer with pencil and then place it on a scale on the "others" or "self" side, or right in the middle.  I placed mine in the middle as I thought about how to find more balance.

Seems fitting that we ended up spending the rest of our afternoon doing just that...we found a spot in the sun to rest, play, and soak up some Vitamin D.  No matter what our day looks like, it always goes better if we spend time outside.

By the way, my creative, adventurous Luci Belle had another wardrobe change - seems that happens about five times a day lately!

I can't be thankful enough that we have a small grassy area in our backyard now where we can sit and play.  It's surrounded by perennials that are friendly to bees and butterflies, like the pair of Monarchs that visits us several times a day.

This girl loves collecting flowers and reminding me the importance of being wild and free.  I learn a lot from her.

As we sat in the grass together with our toes touching, she surprised me by saying, "I'm just thinking of all the good things I get to do with you."  My heart welled up, because so many days I feel completely inadequate, but I'm glad she remembers the good things.

This little ray of sunshine just sat in the grass happily for awhile, discovering a leaf.  What joy she brings to our family!  I don't want this baby stage to go away.  I'm afraid of not appreciating it enough and it passing me by when I'm not looking. 

The evening was filled with all the ordinary every day things that I love - the smells of dinner cooking, the hum of the TV from the living room as my husband was finally home from work and cuddled up with the girls on the couch.  After they were in bed (at least for a little bit), I had some quiet time on the back deck under the twinkle lights with a hot cup of tea and was able to finally finish Love Does by Bob Goff.  My heart was so stirred by this book - I can't wait to share some thoughts...

Not all days feel this "perfect" ~ that's for sure.  But I'm thankful for those that peek through, full of life-giving moments to fuel me for the ones that are more challenging.  Now more than ever, I feel that this season of life can be so difficult but so very lovely. 

It's all in my perspective how the day will turn out, because we're guaranteed nothing.  "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." (Albert Einstein)

This day, I chose everything.

Learning to say "no."

I hate missing out on stuff.  I've realized that I often say yes to something just so I won't miss out on it, rather than because that particular thing is right for me and my family in our current season.   When I am able to say no to certain things - even knowing it's the right decision -  I often feel a wave of regret afterwards. 

You tracking?  Yes, it's enough to drive my own self crazy. 

A few weeks ago, I made a very tough decision to say no to participating in Bible Study Fellowship this year.  With how much I love BSF, I really agonized over this decision.  At the end of the study of the book of Matthew in May, I had my doubts whether I would be able to return in the fall.  All summer I kept putting off having to make the decision.  Doing BSF the last two years has really brought the Word of God to life for me in a new way, and my group members and leaders have been wonderful.  Luci Belle has loved going to "Bible school" since she was 2, and Norah was born in the middle of the Matthew study this past January and welcomed with open arms and adoring looks by all the sweet ladies in my group. 

But still, I had this nagging feeling that I didn't feel at peace with enrolling all of us this year.  

There are several reasons that I don't need to describe in detail, but overall I felt that my family needs to come first.  This tough season of life with two little ones and homeschooling and a baby who doesn't take long naps...well, it was just too much to commit to BSF on top of that.  Also,  I was not ready to put Norah into childcare this young, even for just a few hours a week. 

It's never easy saying no to something that you enjoy, but still today, a few weeks later, I know it was the right decision. Sometimes we say no to something good to make room for something better...for the great things.  Sometimes you just have to say no - even to Bible studies or things that are "good."

So this fall and spring, we don't have anything big on our schedule - no big weekly commitment.  It's just everyday life here - changing diapers, playing pretend, making pancakes, cooking dinner, trips to the Farmstead, nursing and feeding my baby, homeschooling my 4-year-old, taking as many walks as possible so we can capture the autumn light.  And I'm tremendously happy with this.

One of my favorite authors, Shauna Niequist, is writing a new book called Present Over Perfect.  In her blog post describing it she says,

"This is life, this is family, this is the great beautiful brave spectacular adventure that is plain old everyday life, and it promises to remind you over and over that perfect is a myth, and that perfect breaks our backs and breaks our hearts."

Yes. Yes. A million times, yes.  I love "plain old everyday life," and here are some parts of life I'm saying "yes" to this fall:

• Being intentional about homeschooling Luci Belle.  We're doing the pre-K curriculum through Sonlight. I actually got tears in my eyes when I ordered it, because I felt so strongly that it's what's right for her and our family right now.  It's faith and literature-based with wonderful books that capture and celebrate the simplicity of childhood and the wonder of being 4-years-old.  So far, it's been so fun to read these books with her, see her learn, and have an Instructor's Guide that gives me structure so I don't go crazy planning our homeschool week at 11pm on a Sunday night. 
• Caring for myself.   I'm on a continual journey of self-care and because I tend to swing the pendulum way too far on the side of self-neglect-for-the-sake-of-others, I need to constantly be focusing on self-care.  Right now that means a) not going to bed too late, b) making time for short Pilates/yoga workouts and walks multiple times a week, c) eating and cooking healthy food (mostly sticking to whole30), d) making time to be alone with myself and with my husband.
• Simplifying our lives and home.  We spent the month of August focusing on this, consuming less, and eliminating screen time.  It was wonderful.  We also had a garage sale with some friends and donated a bunch more stuff.  Our lives feel lighter, and I want to continue this.
• Spending quality time with friends.  I crave being able to have a friend over for morning coffee and really hear and see her.    I'm sick of rushing through time with people so I can get other things done.

My mom gave me a desk calendar several months ago that I've barely looked at.  Today I randomly flipped it over and the page before me said,

"I realized that - as much as I wanted to - I couldn't run out the front door of my home, leaving it in a shambles, to go over to the church to do the work of ministry.  I came to understand that God has charged me with the stewardship of managing my home, and He uses this primary area of ministry to train me for managing other areas of ministry."

So for now, for this season, I say goodbye to another "good" thing on our to-do list.  My Bible study is going to have to look different for now - maybe it's not pages and pages of notes and in-depth study.  Maybe it looks more like reading a short passage through She Reads Truth and then journaling a few lines and saying a prayer.  Maybe it's having meaningful, engaged, undistracted moments with my 4-year-old, reading the Jesus Storybook Bible aloud to her on the couch with no time limit.  Maybe it's practicing the presence of God throughout my day, as I depend on Him to continue to make things new every morning.

Snail mail exchange: fall is here!

Fall is officially here, and it's time for another Snail Mail Exchange!  This is our fourth exchange now, and I've absolutely loved seeing women across the country {who sometimes don't even know each other} connect through something real and tangible.  And who doesn't love to receive snail mail?!

Here's how it works...

If you decide to participate, I will randomly assign you a snail mail exchange buddy to whom you will send a small, fun snail mail package.  Think handmade, simple, thoughtful.  The point is just sending someone something to make them smile, not spending a ton of money.  And you certainly don't have to make something if you don't feel comfortable with that.  Just think of something YOU would enjoy receiving. 

Ideas:

• Handwritten notes/cards or encouraging quotes/verses
• Items from nature
• Bookmarks
• Something handmade/sewn/knitted
• Tea/coffee
• Simple jewelry
• Lotion/soaps
• Little notebooks/school supplies
• Books you'd like to pass along

{HINT: I was at Michael's the other day, and they have a plethora of inexpensive fun wood, burlap, and chalkboard gifty items - I almost had to be forcibly removed from the aisle.}

We're all unique, so we'll all include different items in our packages. Obviously.   

**But to be fair, just make sure you send MORE than just a note - include at least a few other things.  Put some effort and thought into it - just don't throw it together the day before the deadline, OK?

So, are you in?

Post a comment below and I'll contact you with details (if you don't know me personally, be sure to include your email address).

What I see.

A few mornings ago, we went to one of our favorite local hiking places, the Cedar Ridge Preserve, and my friend Erin took this photo.  Norah was hamming it up all morning, while Luci Belle and her pal Lawson (Erin's daughter) skipped along the mulched trails together.  Right before we crossed over the familiar bridge on which we've photographed our children multiple times, Erin told me to stop and turn so she could take a photo of Norah in the backpack.   When I saw it, I realized it was probably the first full-body photo of myself postpartum where I thought, "I really like how I look."

Is it because I have the perfect hair, clothes, or makeup?  Absolutely not.

Is it because I've lost all my "baby weight"?  No, hardly.  I probably have 20+ pounds to go.

Is it because it was staged to make me look good in the moment?  No, I didn't even realize I was in the photo until later.

I like this photo because when I look at it, I see a strong woman. 

I see a mama who loves to carry her babies and tries to get them outdoors to soak in the sunshine and fresh air. 

I see a woman who is becoming stronger everyday. 

I see a woman who is continuing to find peace with her body through all its changes. 

Most of all, I see a sweet, happy, dependent baby who could care less what size her mother is - there's just love.

It's so easy to be hard on ourselves, especially after our bodies have done - and are doing - the most remarkable thing: growing, birthing, and caring for little ones.   But today, I feel a little more kindness towards myself.  And that's progress.