Living in the color.

/

Since I read this recent post by my dear friend Shawna in New York City, I haven't been able to stop thinking about these words...

I want to live in the color. I want to live in the abundance of life that Christ died for me to experience. Why does that feel harder in some seasons than in others? Why does Starbucks make me happy on days that I am not sure I'm going to survive? I know there will always be unfulfilled longings, so I'm searching for that joy that only Jesus can give in any situation until we experience the fullness of life that He intends in Heaven. I know that abundant life isn't about "being" or "doing" anything more or differently. It's simply about abiding in Christ. Being with Him. Experiencing Him. Focusing on Him. Caring only about Him.

The other day I got to reunite with another faraway friend, Lauren.  Her adorable, artsy home in a small town outside of Philadelphia was packed with moving crates, but amongst them was a bright pink gift bag overflowing with black + white polka dotted tissue paper.   She handed it me.  As I peered into the bag, my mouth dropped open - inside was a gift that could not have been more thoughtful - a bouquet of 10 tree bark crayons, each practically the size of a track baton, each one its own work of art. 


"I want to live in the color."

I know my life holds many unfulfilled longings, a plethora of responsibilities and desires that try to draw me away from the heart of God, away from whom He made me to be.  And often, those things succeed. 

There are so many things I wish I could be - less impatient.  Slower to become frustrated.  Logical, at least sometimes.  Slower to let others' moods affect my joy.  More prone to "glass half full" than "glass half empty."

But as Lauren and I sat together on her couch sipping red wine, dipping our toes back into the deep waters of what our friendship was when we lived a few streets - rather than hundreds of miles - away, I could feel myself exhale.  I could feel the color flushing back into my face, my life.  Those colors spilled a simple truth across the sky:

You are not alone.  Someone understands.

That's right, "It's not about 'being' or 'doing' anything more or differently." 

Life is full of tension, but I don't want to stay in the grey place of in-between.  I want to live close to the heart of God, full and whole everyday.  He says, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."  (Jeremiah 29:13)  So I go out looking, and suddenly there is a burst of golden Black-Eyed Susan in the midst of browns and tans and grays. 

Or, a sunset that lights up the kitchen with an orange glow, urging me to leave dinner sizzling on the stove and grab my camera and run outside for fear of missing a literal rainbow being painted across the sky.

Yes, I think "living in the color" means choosing joy, choosing to be engaged with this life, this one I'm living now. Maybe it means approaching each day with hope and possibility, not permitting darkness to have its way with me.  It means that the light, and the color, always shines brighter.  Because it is there.  Always.

Friends, what does this phrase mean to you?  Really, I would love to know...

Love letter in the trees.

/

Two days ago, I took this photo of the beautiful, towering old trees in my parents' backyard in New Jersey, with the caption, "My trees."  I posted it to Instagram and then a friend pointed out the perfect heart image that seems to be cut out of the trees.  I couldn't believe it!  God's little love letter to me.  It's the small things.  I needed that little reminder of his love for me.

Perfect chocolate chip cookies + grain-free flatbread.

/

Ohhhh, yum.  These cookies from one of my favorite food blogs, The Urban Poser, are definitely a hit.  "Thick and pudgy" is right...they're perfectly light, made grain-free with almond flour, sweetened with a bit of honey, and there aren't even eggs.  Not that there's anything wrong with eggs.  I was just shocked that a cookie turned out this good without them.

Variations:

  • We didn't have any coconut milk on hand when we made them, so we subbed a little coconut cream mixed with water, and they turned out great. 
  • I think I prefer these cookies with 100% cacao nibs rather than chocolate chips.  The nibs are already tiny so the chocolate taste doesn't overwhelm the cookie, plus I like the slight bitterness, and they're crunchy!
  • Since there aren't any eggs, you could actually just roll the dough into balls, and then freeze it, and eat it raw!  Yum.  Or, what we did the other night is bake them for less than 10 minutes, then put them in the freezer.  They were so good slightly cold and cakey, with a nice cup o' bedtime tea.

And then, there's this crispy flat bread made with almond flour that we tried for dinner last night...

The Urban Poser is actually based here in the Dallas area and just posted a great feature on our small business, Urban Acres.  One of the recipes that she made with the produce was this grain-free flatbread with local arugula and mango-strawberry salsa.  When we made it last night, we topped it with goat cheese, onions, zucchini, tomatoes, chicken sausage, and arugula.  Holy cow, it was delicious.

If you try either of these recipes, let me know what you think.  So thankful for healthier recipe options that actually taste good!

A letter to you at two.

/

Luci Belle,

As I lay in bed tonight at 11:58pm, reveling in a quiet house, I started thinking about how your body grew inside of mine, and I was astonished all over again.  I could almost feel those first jerky, twisty fetal movements, could almost remember the feeling of my smooth, hard lower belly resting against my upper thighs in this same bed, when I was pregnant with you.

Now, I can hardly believe it's been two years since this and this happened, when you entered the world with an eager, hearty cry, were placed in my arms all toasty warm and swaddled.

Since that day, we've laughed about a million times at your silly antics, nursed thousands, shared buckets of tears, stumbled through days sleep-deprived.  

But mostly, we've learned to be more thankful than we ever have in our lives.  Because somehow, these two ordinary folks have been entrusted with an incredibly precious gift:  You.

How has it been one whole year since we celebrated your last birthday, both Korean and Italian style?   In the last year, you've nestled yourself even more deeply into our lives, and it feels like you've always been here, even more comfortable than when you're nestled into the crook of my arm, sleeping.  This year you learned to walk and run and speak in sentences, made new friends, had your first battle wound. You became a lover of ice cream, swimming, painting, exploring.

On the day you turned two, July 9th, we took a walk in the neighborhood to buy you six colorful balloons, little replicas of those from one of your favorite movies, Up.  You bounced around for hours, your head arched up to the sky, chasing after them with two-year-old delight.

A few days later, we had celebration #2, surrounded by some of your favorite people.  You filled your tummy with juicy Texas watermelon and vanilla coconut cupcakes with chocolate icing.  You wore your apron like Mommy, and we shared tea in wooden tea cups. When we gathered around to sing "Happy Birthday" you looked as if you might burst into tears from the all the eyes on you, and then sure enough, you did.  But Daddy scooped you right into his arms, and as you clung to his strong shoulders, you were quickly comforted.  Then, you were content to sit in your chair, licking only the rich chocolate icing off each cupcake and decorating each one with an entire bag of paper umbrellas.

There are so many things I want to remember about this time, and the days pass so quickly!  So here are some fun and unique things about you at age TWO...

  • Your favorite game in the entire world is when you run to your bed and jump under the covers yelling, "Bear comin'!  Bear comin'!"  Then you insist that Mommy and Daddy (and whoever else is in our house, including stuffed animals) get under the covers with you in your "fert" (fort).
  • You can count to 4 and seem to favor the color blue.
  • The other day, you just started singing "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes" by yourself with hand motions.  We haven't listened to that song in ages.  What else is stored in that little brain of yours?
  • When someone sneezes, you say, "Ishoo!" (bless you).
  • When it's time for a nap, you say, "Foof!  I'm tired."
  • The other night before bed, you ran into the kitchen saying, "Me hungry!"  You wanted to eat an egg and some "ut butter" (peanut butter).
  • One of your favorite summer activities has been picking "toes" (tomatoes) from the garden and sticking them in your pocket, even the green ones.  Let's just say we didn't have much of a tomato crop this year!
  • You love to sit on the countertop and watch us cook.  "I see cookin'?" you ask, eagerly.  When it's time to check whatever is in the oven, you run in to the kitchen screaming, "CHECK?!  Mommy, CHECK!?"
  • You'll never turn down "ice keem."  You go to the freezer at least once a day and try to pull the door open with all your might!

Luci Belle, our lives now have a space that is only filled by you.  I hope I always remember these days filled with new words and experiences and joy and curiosity.

Being your mother has changed me.  If I thought marriage has shown me how selfish and sinful I am, how much more motherhood has.  Every single day I need Jesus, His grace and your grace when I fail, supernatural energy to keep up with your fiery little spirit. 

It's my daily challenge to help foster and encourage your passion in a positive direction rather than squelching it out of frustration, to correct and nurture and inspire.  Thank you for being patient with your mama; I'm learning too.  You're fire and I'm water, but somehow we go together better than ut butter and jelly.

Happy two years, sweet girl!

Love,

Mommy

The best kind of Saturday.

/

You know those days when you seem to say from start to finish, "Wow, I get to live this life?!"  When you wish you could immediately start it all over again and do the exact same thing?  That was today.  Nothing earth-shattering, just a handful of ordinary glimmering moments full of life and joy and abundance.

First, my brother, nieces and nephew came over for breakfast.  Chocolate chip pancakes for all, scrambled eggs with cheese, a fruit bowl of juicy blueberries, peaches and apples.  Frothy chocolate milk and cups of applesauce.  The house was full of yelling and rambunciousness and laughter.  And lots of jumping on the bed, "cooking" with the play kitchen, acting like monsters, reading books from my childhood, and pretending we were Charlie's Angels.  A memorable moment was when 10-year-old niece declared she was going to serve me eggs with "sea salt and sea pepper."  Quote of the morning from my nephew, "I'm not a monster!  I'm ZACHARY!" 

Then, early afternoon, it was off to Urban Acres to visit Steven at work.  We made the "mistake" of letting  almost-two-year-old Luci Belle get into the watermelon bin once, and then she wouldn't stop asking, "Squash?  Up, Mama?"  Well, they're not squash; they're melon.  But okay.

With all the daily challenges, it sure is fun owning a store, because I get to witness scenes like this just about every weekend.  Melt me.

Back home, it was time for a snack, and I couldn't wait to tear into the newest Hail Merry tart flavor - coconut vanilla creme!  Yes please.  For those of you in other states, Hail Merry products should be at your local Whole Foods! 

After some time for relaxation and naps, we saw the storms 'a rollin' in.  One moment it was sunny and scorching; the next it was dark and windy and blustery, all cozy outside and a cool(er) 85 degrees.  Thank  God.  Our parched city really needed some relief.  We decided to take a walk to revel in it. 

As we set out, it was glaringly obvious that our 2-year-old doesn't see rain often.  As soon as a few droplets started to sprinkle her toes, she asked for a towel. Seriously.

But we kept strolling and reveling in the quietness and coolness.  On the way home, Steven decided to take us past a grove of massive fig trees growing wildly in the Winnetka Heights neighborhood.  Popping them in our mouths like candy straight off the tree, we filled our tummies.  Meanwhile, cars whizzed by, oblivious that a delicious free food source was growing right there on the side of the road.

This the handful that made it home...

By the end of the walk, my hair looked like Monica's in the Friends episode where they're in Barbados, but I didn't even care.

We heated up some chicken stock and added shredded chicken, yellow squash, red potatoes, spinach, and Applegate Farms chicken and apple sausage.  As the perfect soothing soup bubbled on the stove on a rainy evening, I thought, these are the days that make it all worth it.

And I just had to share with you.