"Comparison is {still} the thief of joy."

Image source: howjoyful.com

When I first heard the quote, "Comparison is the thief of joy," it impacted me so.   During my first pregnancy, I wrote about it here, a post which has somehow become the most popular one on this site.  I suppose we're all yearning for more joy and realizing how much comparison cripples us.

But no matter how much I know this quote is true, it seems that comparison is still a problem for me, and now in a totally new way - comparing myself to myself.

And that's exactly what I've been doing lately.  At age 36, I'm compelled to look back to my 20s, or even who I was five years ago.  In so many ways I love who I am now more, but the comparisons to the "past versions of me" keep coming...

Back when I had less wrinkles...

Back when I was skinnier...

Back when I could wear those jeans...

Back when I had the ability and time to work out everyday...

Back when I was able to be more present in others' lives...

Comparing myself to myself rather than to others almost seems more deadly, because it tends to be an internal battle. It doesn't involve another person, so it can be kept secret, just simmering beneath the surface until it explodes.  Unfortunately it usually explodes in front of my husband, God bless him.

I see again and again how the comparison saps my joy.  I may have been those things once, and I may or may not be those things again.  But either way, it does not define my today.  My joy should come from where the Lord has me in this moment.  So, this is something I'm really working on.  If you've struggled with the same thing, I'd love to know your thoughts.