Releasing to embrace.

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Today is the first day of the Lenten season.  Admittedly, I've never really observed Lent.  But this year, I felt compelled to.  Adding another baby to the family has made our lives wonderfully full.  And with that fullness there is no longer room for everything that was there before. 

The above challenge from my Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) lecture two weeks ago has totally stuck with me...release anything in our lives that prevents us from following Him wholeheartedly.  What should I be releasing?  Following Christ right now means serving my family - my husband and two children - and serving them wholeheartedly, not distractedly.  As I prayed over this, I realized something specific I need to change.  While I love Instagram as a tool to embrace life, I've been scrolling through my Instagram and Facebook feeds mindlessly lately, using them as an escape or distraction.  It's time to take a step back, and this is the perfect time.  So I'll be off Instagram and Facebook until Easter.  I might even quit Facebook altogether when this is over as I've been considering it for awhile.

At any rate, I'm excited about what this frees up for me.  I plan to blog here a bit more - I've really missed it. This time is about sitting down at my computer intentionally to write rather than checking social media mindlessly all throughout the day.  It's a choice that helps me embrace my life and creativity rather than taking away from it.

Our lives right now are beautifully imperfect, yet I feel so peaceful.  Like I said, wonderfully full.  My husband just turned the big 3-5 on Sunday, and we had a homemade pasta dinner {christening his new pasta attachment for the KitchenAid mixer} to celebrate.

He has completely mastered the art of homemade pasta.  I might crown him an honorary Italian.  As we sat down once again with friends around our farm table that he made with his own two hands, I was grateful again that sharing meals together is an important part of our lives, our story.

And this photo taken the same day just makes me smile. No matter how often I tidy up, our living room is chaos, with toys and car seats and burp cloths strewn on practically every surface.  I took a moment to sit on my husband's back with our baby Norah while he did a magnetic world puzzle, and it's just so totally and completely random.  But it's our crazy life that I love.

I hope you'll continue along with me during Lent as we seek to embrace these days more fully.  And please share any insights you have about taking life more slowly - I'd love to know what that means for you.

To the one who loves me well.

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I meant to post this on Valentine's Day, but computer time is so limited these days.  Seems that today is just as good a day to celebrate...

Today I have to pause and acknowledge the love of this man who's been by my side for almost 10 years now.  Our love has evolved and changed in so many ways during these years, and like any real relationship we've had our valleys.  But I get to say again today that I look at my life and am so thankful for the richness of love that surrounds me...a husband who genuinely loves me and our children well.

In the newborn fog again over here, I've seen with clear eyes how blessed I am to have a husband like him.  Yesterday morning, he told me what happened in the middle of the night (after being awakened by our little Norah).  He said I was fast asleep, snoring (moi??) and he couldn't fall back asleep.  He laid his head on my thigh for 45 minutes, watching me sleep and watching Norah peacefully awake in her co-sleeper bassinet, looking around the room.  He says it without the slightest sense of complaining in his voice, just a man who was treasuring the moment.

And last night, he's the one who quietly and without hesitation partnered with me in the wee hours of the morning once again to rock our little girl back to sleep.  I had been awake with her off and on for hours, as she just couldn't settle down to sleep for any real length of time.  As I finally started to drift off with her cuddled on my chest, I entered that place between awake and asleep and heard him whisper close to my ear, "Norah, did you know you have the most caring mother in the world?"  I didn't feel so selfless at that moment, craving sleep with every bone in my body, and I'm not sure if he knew I could hear it.  But he knew just what to say to encourage me.

Ann Voskamp says, "Marriage and love and time, these are the enormous forces that inevitably chisel and change us into strangers. The springs sag. Mattresses sigh. Marriage changes us into strangers who have to meet again and introduce each other to love."

With each big change in our lives, we have to recapture and reintroduce our love.  That's why I wrote this and why I got this necklace to remind me.  If we're not careful, having a new baby can cause all kinds of distance, but this time we were more prepared.

Ann goes on to say, "They didn’t tell us that at the beginning: The moment you let love into your heart, your heart starts breaking. The only way to stop your heart from breaking is to stop your heart from loving. You always get to choose: either a hard heart or a broken heart. A broken heart is always the abundant heart — all those many beautiful pieces only evidence of an abundant life."

My heart has broken for him and with him.  We've walked through a lot together.  And as they say about life with little ones, "the days are long and the years are short."  Things don't get easier really, they just change. I look at our two darling daughters that we've made together and all I can say is that God is gracious.  He has given me so much more than I deserve.  My only hope is to continue to build an abundant love and life together during these long, rich days and to glorify Him through the love our family holds together. 

Inspiration lately.

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Image: thornandsparrow.com

The beginning of the year always has me inspired.  Here's a random list of things lately that I just had to share...

  • Desktop and iPhone wallpaper backgrounds on Thorn + Sparrow's website.  Thank you Bre for introducing me to these!  I currently have the June desktop background on my computer with the roasting marshmallows and it makes me so happy. You can use most of these any time of year - I saved them all to my computer so I can rotate them.  I have the Jim Elliot quote as my iPhone background. Fitting for a phone background, wouldn't you say?
  • Emily Ley organizers.  My friend Liz introduced me to these and was even kind enough to order me the Simplified Life Binder as a baby shower gift!    This crafty organization nerd is elated.  The Emily Ley organizer apparently also works great with Lara Casey's Power Sheets, which I plan on checking out.
  • Babies Ruin Bodies - gosh what a beautiful post.  I experienced a lot of healing with my body image during my first pregnancy, and I look forward to that again this time.
  • Enough - this post made me cry.  As I've tried to spend extra time with my 3 1/2-year-old before she becomes a big sister any day now, I'm especially reminded of how precious those moments are.
  • For the foodie man in your life - I was just introduced to Mantry, the Modern Man's Pantry.  It's a subscription service (kinda like Birchbox or Stitch Fix) where your man gets a box of artisan foods each month to try.  GENIUS!  This is so going to be my husband's birthday gift this year.  Shhhh, don't tell.

Happy 2014!

Christmas 'round here...

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Even though we knew our baby girl #2 would be born shortly after the New Year, I was determined to celebrate Christmas as usual this year.  In fact, I think my preggo nesting instincts caused me to go into Christmas decorating hyperdrive.  It involves 300 yards of yarn and temporary carpal tunnel.  You'll see.

My hubby was gracious enough to get us a brand new faux Christmas tree so we could finally say goodbye to the $20 Walmart special (handed down from his sister) that we used for the first 8 1/2 years of our marriage.  And of course, in true Christine style, I just couldn't wait for him to help me set it up and decided to assemble a 7.5ft pre-lit Christmas tree on my own while he was at work one day.  Let's just say I almost put myself into early labor getting that sucker out of the box.  But it was so worth it!

This Christmas season was full of craftiness...

Luci Belle got her own tabletop tree in her playroom decorated with the cinnamon dough ornaments we made last year (that still smell amazing and are strong and intact).  Then, we added a little wool baby Jesus that I loved so much I wanted to carry it in my pocket - is that weird?  I created the baby Jesus by using a pipecleaner for the head and body form and then needle felting around it with colored wool from Michael's.  The manger is a small wooden container that held a slice of pie from our local pie shop that I let Luci Belle paint, and we added a bed of raffia.

For my birthday, my sister-in-law Trish made me this sweet chalkboard.  It worked out perfectly as a Christmas countdown calendar...

One of my favorite ways to decorate at Christmas is using the cards we receive from friends all over the country.  I wish I was good about sending out Christmas cards, but I sure love receiving them!  I just run a piece of ribbon down the length of the entire doorway (nailed at the top and hanging loosely) and then use big, pearlescent paper clips to attach the cards to the ribbon.  When it's time to take down the decorations, I remove all the cards, punch holes in the sides and make them into a little booklet bound with ribbon or yarn to look back upon.

The chalkboard in the dining room got a special quote this year...which I actually came across in my Bible Study Fellowship lesson on the book of Matthew a few months ago.  I didn't know the words "Be of good cheer" actually came from the mouth of Jesus, but now I do.  And they were my mantra over Christmastime.

I also took on another big sewing project, which for some reason I tend to do at Christmas.  Last year, it was new stockings for each of us, and this year I made a coordinating tree skirt using this tutorial. For the word "JOY," I used leftover flannel fabric from the stockings and printed out the letters really large using Microsoft Word.  I cut them out of paper and traced them onto the fabric and cut them out, then hand-stitched them onto the tree skirt using embroidery thread.  LOVE how it turned out!  Beats the old chenille blanket I was previously wrapping around the base of the tree each year...

And then, I was introduced to finger-knitting.  And subsequently became totally obsessed.  Thanks to my blog/Instagram friend, Kimberly, who posted a picture of a Christmas tree garland she finger-knitted, I thought, YES!  That's the perfect garland for my new tree!  I had an almost-full skein of cream colored yarn on hand, so I pulled up this tutorial and within about 5 minutes, I was finger-knitting.  It was so much easier than knitting with needles.  I finger-knitted for about an hour straight sitting in a chair in the living room while Luci Belle played at my feet.  The trouble is, I knitted the entire skein of yarn and it only fit about 1/4 of the way around the tree.

It's actually scary how giddy I became at the fact that I was going to have to go back to the craft store to get not one - but two! - more skeins of yarn to finger-knit. 

The following evening, I completed the other two garlands (300 yards total - that's 3 football fields, people) while watching Call The Midwife.  Gonna admit I started developing carpal tunnel halfway through garland number three, but I pushed through. 

And they looked so beautiful around the tree.  I loved the mix of earthy materials like wool and paper with the shiny, sparkly ornaments.

The final bit of craftiness is accredited to my husband, who actually made me an origami butterfly and put it in my stocking.  Why?  Because he's awesome.

It was filled with coziness...

This sight...the epitome of peace. Simply being in the living room with the light of the Christmas tree is my favorite.

"Fireplace For Your Home" on Netflix made our living room even warmer in the absence of a real working fireplace.  If you have Netflix on your TV (or laptop), you can play it just like you would a movie.  It's a yule log with Christmas music playing the background, and it even crackles.  Ahhhh.

And, of course, because we are the Baileys, there was a lot of cooking...

We decided on all Italian food this Christmas, second best to being with my Italian family in New Jersey.  So for the first time, I made my cousin Paula's Tiramisu.  It was wonderfully therapeutic to assemble...just a few simple ingredients but you have to set aside the time to do it slowly and methodically.  Also, please don't fall for any tiramisu recipe that uses brandy or rum. In my humble opinion, the only liquor to use in tiramisu is genuine Sambuca Romana.

I think this tiramisu might be one of the most beautiful desserts I've seen.  It looks like a giant sunflower.

After this, the tiramisu was covered and put in the fridge for two days so it could set and get all nice and happy, as Emeril would say.

And for Christmas dinner, thanks to Jimmy's Italian Market here in Dallas, we were able to make all of my favorite Italian-American comfort foods.  They even had braciola, a thinly sliced beef that you stuff with parsley, breadcrumbs, parmesan cheese, and garlic, roll and tie with twine, and cook in a big pot of sauce until tender. 

My little Italian-Korean was eager to help with the sauce...

This bowl of slow-cooked meat was always on my aunt's table for holidays - tender meatballs, Italian sausage, and braciola slathered in homemade tomato sauce.

Here's the full spread without a vegetable in sight!  Ha!  But rest assured we had a big, lightly-dressed crunchy green salad at the table to offset the carb and meat overload.

We had about a vat of baked ziti left over, even after 12 people ate as much as they could!  But that's okay, because the only thing better than baked ziti is baked ziti, day 2, 3, 4...

When it was finally dessert time, the tiramisu did not disappoint.  Mercy.

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But the best part of this Christmas?  I never thought I'd say this, but it's that we all got sick.  A few weeks before Christmas, Luci Belle got her first ear infection with a high fever and ended up having to take antibiotics for the first time in her life.  Three days after finishing the antibiotics, she somehow came down with another fever, terrible cough, and a rash that we think was Roseola.  Then, Steven and I developed major sinus and allergy problems along with the rest of Dallas and we all just needed a lot of rest, slowness, and more rest.  Steven didn't work much, and we all stayed inside and played puzzles and games and watched movies together over the entire break.  Although we all didn't feel our best, I realized that this time was special because it's the last time it'll be just the three of us.  Maybe God knew we needed that - and if we hadn't been sick, we would have filled our lives with more and more busyness instead of each other.

Now, Christmas is over, and the next time we reassemble our Christmas tree, we'll have a 4-year-old and an almost 1-year-old scooting around the living room.  Life is full and imperfect and peaceful and crazy, and I try to keep taking it one day at a time, capturing the beauty as much as I can.

37 weeks

Recapturing "Us."

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My latest post is up on the JellyTelly blog, and it's a pretty personal one.  I hope it helps some of you who are struggling or wondering how to continue to make time for your spouse and protect your marriage in the midst of crazy schedules, family changes, and just the challenges of life.

Yesterday, my husband and I drove over the Margaret Hunt Hill Bridge in Dallas into our neighborhood as the sun was starting to get low in the sky.  It was just the two of us in our VW Rabbit, and an old-school mix CD blasted “Sing” by Jars of Clay as we cruised with the sunroof and windows open.  As my hair flew all over my face, I grabbed his hand and closed my eyes and felt so thankful for that moment, for the few hours we had just spent away, just us... {continue reading}