9 years.

Because 9 years ago on a rainy July day, we stood in front of our closest friends and family.  He told me I was "the most beautiful thing in his life."  And we agreed to walk with each other to the feet of Jesus.

Because we made our vows, and we know it's not easy, and we're not always loveable.

Because we know it's hard, hard work.

Because we've been through "better" - two beautiful babies, a successful business, a safe and comfortable home, wonderful friends and family.

Because we've been through "worse" - lack of money, growing apart, broken family relationships and friendships, marriages crumbling around us.

Because he promised to take care of me and hold my dreams gently in his hands,

and he has.

Because I knew that life with him would not be perfect or easy but a wonderful, wild adventure,

and it has been.

Because 9 years married - and still in love - is worth celebrating.

Today, I say to the love of my life, my best friend, "Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be." We've built a beautiful life together, babe.  Thank you for being on this journey with me.

She's four.

How has it possibly been four years?  Four years since I became a mama on a hot July day.  Four years of her joyful, spunky personality.

Four years of being stretched and challenged and sanctified in ways I could only imagine before I had children.  Four years of the hardest, and most rewarding, work I've ever done.

I'm not gonna lie, age 3 was more difficult for us than age 2.  But with it came so many moments of wonder as her imagination took flight.  I can't remember a day when she didn't make us stop in our tracks with one of her creative and insightful observations.

The other morning while playing with clay...

Luci Belle: "UGHHHHH!"
Me: "Take a deep breath.  Let's not get frustrated."
LB: "OK.  Because Jesus is in our house, right Mommy?"
Me: {kinda surprised but delighted} "Yes!  Where did you learn that?"
LB: "In my heart, remember?"

Happy four years, Luci Isabelle.  We're so thankful for your precious spirit-filled life!

She Reads Truth.

So happy to finally be doing my first She Reads Truth study - The Sermon on the Mount. Isn't the study pack beautiful? Hoping this will revive some of my Bible Study Fellowship lessons from Matthew this past spring - I'm pretty embarrassed by how much I had to unearth my Bible to start this study. But His mercies are new every morning, and I'm starting anew.

She Reads Truth is simply an online community of women studying God's Word together.  Their site provides a daily devotional (and they have an app coming soon to make it even easier!) plus beautiful quotes and scriptures to memorize on their Instagram feed.

Join me?  Click below.

Whole30 - I did it!

Well, yesterday was day 30 of my first Whole30!  I made it.  And miraculously, I made it without any cheats, minus an accidental teensy taste of honey on a coffee spoon.   Oh, I got really close though.  Like that time I almost downed an entire box of crackers while preparing my daughter's snack.  And when we had our first Sunday of homemade artisan pizza at Urban Acres and I just stared at it longingly while my friends devoured theirs.

But it was worth it.  I'm so glad I completed my first Whole30.  Even more than the physical benefits, I feel more in control of my desires and less controlled by food. 

I finished my Whole30 before we had a big dinner at our house last night and tried some potato salad and a bit of Mexican chocolate cake and fruit cobbler for dessert.  A few bites into the desserts, I couldn't take any more sweetness and didn't even finish it.  

This morning, I had my first coconut milk latté post-program and used only 4 drops of Stevia instead of the usual 12.  So I'd say that's progress!

Here are some other great things I experienced while on Whole30:

• I definitely lost a few pounds - probably around 5.  {Kinda wish it had been more, but I'm being gracious with myself and remembering I just had a baby 5 months ago.  Baby steps.}
• I learned to enjoy beverages unsweetened.  {I'll probably continue drinking coffee this way and just lightly sweetening my tea lattés.}
• As I mentioned before, I feel much less controlled by food, and cravings have greatly diminished.  Eating less fruit and enough healthy fats and proteins really helped with this.
• It was fun doing this with my husband and our close friend Amber.  I highly recommend doing the program with a close friend or someone who lives with you - makes it a ton easier!
• It was just a good thing to exercise more discipline.  I don't believe that we should live with our food choices highly restricted all the time, unless of course we have to for medical or health reasons.  God gave us a bounty of things to eat.  And the funny thing is that even though there are restrictions on Whole30, what we have to eat is still abundance.

These were the hardest things about it:

• No chocolate!  No smoothies!  No ice cream!
• I got really sick of berries with nut butter and coconut flakes.  But it was a good snack when I needed one.
• Having friends in town and not being able to drink wine with them or eat pizza.   It was a shift in thinking to realize I didn't have to be eating and drinking what they were eating and drinking to have fun.

Here are the favorite things I ate on Whole30:

First, cilantro mayo.  Wow, I never knew how super easy it is to make your own mayo!    I used it more like a sauce and added it on my eggs or meat just to give it a little zing.  You could also make your own chicken salad.  Having an immersion blender and a wide-mouth mason jar like the recipe says was perfect. If you don't like cilantro, just leave that part out!

Here's the recipe from this @whole30recipes Instagram post:

Cilantro Mayo

• 1 egg at room temp
• 1 cup of avocado oil or light olive oil
• 1 T vinegar, lemon juice, or lime juice
• 1 t salt
• 1/2 t ground mustard
• 1/4 t garlic powder or minced garlic
• 1/2 c chopped cilantro

1. Crack egg in a wide mouth mason jar. (Perfect to store the mayo in)
2. Slowly add oil and let separate.
3. Add vinegar and seasonings.
4. Place immersion blender in the jar all the way to the bottom and mix until white and fluffy. Should only take 30 seconds or so.
5. Add cilantro and blend until roughly chopped.

 ~ ~ ~

This was my favorite snack on the program - apples sliced into rounds topped with homemade almond butter and unsweetened coconut flakes.  How many times have I had apples and nut butter?  But never sliced into rounds!  Something about it made it seem more special, like a chip.

Here are the two best dinners I had on Whole30...

First, Fried Plantains with Chipotle Lime Chicken & Chipotle Lime Slaw - unreal!  It was a little sweet, salty, creamy, so amazing.  Here's where I got the recipe.

The other amazing meal was PaleOMG's Pizza Spaghetti Pie.  Seriously so easy and perfect for right now when spaghetti squash is in season!

But mostly, we just kept it simple.  Here's my last Whole30 breakfast on day 30 - simply Applegate chicken apple sausages and 2 eggs fried in ghee.

What I'm going to do moving forward:

• Keep eating Whole30-ish.  I love how I've felt without grains, and I don't miss dairy or legumes in the least bit (except maybe peanut butter, but I can live without it).  So I'm going to move forward with a low glycemic diet concentrated on pastured meats, healthy fats, lots of veggies, and low glycemic fruits. 
• Definitely feel like I ate a lot of sweet potatoes on Whole30, because I could. I'll probably limit these a bit more.
• Get a Spiralizer!  I really need one of these.  Healthy, low carb noodles every day!
• Add back in my Vanilla Creme Stevia, but in smaller amounts.  I'm a little embarrassed to say I was putting about 12 drops in one single coconut milk latté.  But I'm not going to feel badly about using a few drops in my hot beverages if I want, and it doesn't affect my glycemic index.
• Start drinking Dandy Blend.  I've wanted to try it for awhile but it comes partly from grains, so I couldn't try it on Whole30.  But it's a great non-acidic and low glycemic coffee alternative that tons of people love, plus there are the health benefits of dandelion.
• Bake a lot less, only when I really want to, rather than being controlled by sweets cravings every single day.  If and when I bake, use dates and coconut palm sugar as much as possible.  I think I'll even try using dates in my coconut milk ice cream recipe next time instead of maple syrup.  Occasional (rather than several-times-weekly) gluten-free pancakes will probably be only lightly sweetened rather than slathered with syrup!
• Continue doing my weekly yoga - It's been a great complement to the Whole30 program.  And add in some Pilates online with Robin Long.  LOVE her website and perspective. 

So there you have it, folks.  I definitely see myself doing another Whole30 in the near future.  It's just so helpful to have a program to regain perspective and discipline when you need it.  And the community of folks doing Whole30 and sharing recipes makes it even better.  If you're considering doing it, I'd be happy to answer any questions or help in any way!

* This post contains Amazon affiliate links.

Hello courage.

A dear friend from Oklahoma came to town for a short few hours visit, and we shared lunch across the big farm table.

"My heart is longing for deep community," I told her.  I poured it all out.  "I love people.  I need people.  Over the last few years, I've realized that although I'm still an introvert, I'm much more social than I ever realized.  And so many of our close friends have moved away or are moving away soon.  It seems we're just left here in this holding pattern, not knowing what comes next.  I often feel that so many of the gifts I know the Lord has given me are just not being put to good use.  I know and feel confident in my worth here with my children and husband, but I mean as a member of the body of Christ, as a friend, as a member of a community."

She put down her fork and, smiling with tears in her eyes, spoke words over me that I needed to hear more than anything:

"When you take flight it's like no other...and you will take flight in this next season with great courage.  The best is yet to be." 

My eyes brightened.  I sat up a little straighter.  "I feel hopeful," I said. 

"This is always how it feels right before everything opens up," she replied.  "Let hope arise and spring up from every place your feet tread."

A few days later, I received a package from her in the mail.  I opened it to unveil this beautiful "hello courage" piece of art and a note:

"You've felt in a cocoon at so many different times...but you're about to take flight with fresh courage and strengthening hope. When you spread your wings you release the most magnificent aroma of Christ.  Keep fighting from victory not for it.  There is no one like you!"

~ ~ ~

Sometimes, sometimes, sometimes we just need to hear what God thinks about us.  Scriptures say it, of course, but I'm talking something more personal.  And He often uses those close to us to communicate that.  What a sweet gift.

I'm reading the incredible book Love Does by Bob Goff right now and I'm reminded of the chapter where Bob says, "Words of encouragement have their own power.  And when they are said by the right people, they can change everything.  What I've found in following Jesus is that most of the time, when it comes to who says it, we each are the right people."

As I'm reading this book, my soul is stirring to live a bigger, more adventurous, more whimsical life.  Still a simple life, but one that is opened up for God to work even more.  It's a blog post for another day, but for now I'll keep reveling in this message from the Lord just for me. 

Because apparently, I'm about take flight.  I'll wait in expectation and polish off these dusty wings and get ready for the beauty that awaits.

From fear to faith.

My childhood summers were filled with one of the most wonderful pastimes - swimming all day, navigating the underwater crystally caverns, eating popsicles in the sun, drying off on a towel and eating snacks as the sun became lower in the sky. 

My swim teacher, Sharon, was a cute high-schooler with a short feathery hairdo and bright smile. As a young child, I thought the older lifeguards were practically celebrities, and my one-on-one swim lessons with Sharon were treasured times.  I felt so special when on the last day of swim lessons, she gave me her lifeguard whistle, which I still have to this day.

Now, my heart quickens to see almost-4-year-old Luci Belle learning to navigate the water, becoming a little fish in her own right.  This past week, she overcame a huge hurdle and learned to swim.  Before swim lessons started, my daughter wouldn't even allow a single drop of water to touch her face during bathtime.  She loved to swim in the pool but only with floaties on her arms.  I knew this was going to be a rough lesson to learn, but an essential one - for safety purposes if none other. 

When we arrived at swim instructor Mrs. Angie's pool on day one, she utterly panicked and clung to me, screaming.  It was all I could do to remind myself that this was a step my daughter needed to take without me.  I had to hand her over into the {loving, capable} arms of Mrs. Angie and step away.

From behind the tinted windows of Mrs. Angie's livingroom, I could see the pool but hear nothing.  Over the next few days, it was like I was watching a silent movie of my daughter moving from fear to faith.

The crocodile tears as she was reluctantly carried around the pool.

Then, the tears stopped flowing.

Tentatively sticking her chin in the water, then the rest of her face.

Being pulled up by strong arms to gasp for air.

The full body submersion, the kicking and reaching.

The smiles as she re-emerged and saw photos of herself underwater.

The look of hope and focus in her eyes as she tried her first jump.

Squeals of joy as she jumped off the side with abandon.

Confidence, empowerment, joy.

Because once you know how to navigate the waters, it's not scary under there; it's beautiful.

At the end of day two, she was already swimming freestyle across the pool, underwater, by herself.  I could hardly believe my eyes. 

Seeing her learn to swim brings back so many sweet memories for me.  It's so exciting to see her enter this new stage of childhood.

Now, she asks everyday if we can go swimming.  In the pool at a friend's house yesterday afternoon, she beckoned me over to where she was splashing around on the steps.  She said, "Mommy, come look!  It's magical under here!" as she dunked her face underwater without hesitation.  I smiled and swam over and joined her, because yes, I do know it's magical under there.  And I couldn't be happier to join her underwater and see for myself.

My daughter's leap of faith has led to freedom.  And this past week she's taught me more about courage, about taking risks, and about looking for the beauty that's just beneath the surface - if only you'll have the courage to jump in.

Whole30 - week one recap...

One week into the Whole30, and I just keep thinking about how amazing I feel.  Yes, amazing.  I understand how this program can change your life if you let it. 

The first few days, I definitely felt like I was dragging and craved chocolate and pancakes and carbs and carbs and more carrrrrrrbs.  But by day 4, I started to feel a huge difference.

A few observations so far...

• I actually feel full.  Before, I felt like I was constantly eating because I was always hungry and never satisfied.  After a full meal, I felt like I could always eat more.  But not now.  It's wonderful to have the feeling of fulness again.
• I'm not eating as much fruit.  I love fruit and think it's here for us to enjoy.  But I was definitely eating a ton of fruit before to satisfy sweet cravings.  Now my body actually craves more protein and fat rather than fruit.  If I do want fruit, I want it with nuts or coconut on top.
• The above meal was probably the most satisfying I've had so far - a grilled grass-fed beef burger {seasoned only with salt and pepper} with guacamole on top, and a side of homemade slaw.  For the slaw, I threw together red cabbage, shredded carrots, diced peppers, chopped cilantro, and raisins, and tossed it in vinaigrette {olive oil, apple cider vinegar, Dijon mustard, salt and pepper}.  It was perfect.
• My hair and skin look better. 
• My clothes fit better.
• I have more energy.
• It's ridiculous to feel deprived on this program.  With a plethora of healthy colorful food at my fingertips, how could I ever complain?  How selfish would it be to whine about not having chocolate?  Poor, poor pitiful American.  In this culture where nothing is ever enough, and we're used to getting what we want, it's good to restrict once in awhile.  And even that is abundance.
• When someone calls it a "diet," I jokingly reply, "This isn't a diet, it's a program."  But seriously, I will never be on a "diet" again in my life, as to me that means empty promises and crazy restrictions that could never be effective long-term. 
• Being more restrictive with what I'm eating on this program, I actually think about food less.  I feel much more freedom, like food doesn't have a hold on me.

And here are some "tricks" I've discovered so far that have helped tremendously...

• Plan ahead and make sure you have the right "on program" foods you need at all times.  Don't be unprepared, because minor freakout moments will occur, and the cravings will begin again.
• I can see one of the main keys to succeeding is making sure you have enough protein and fat in your diet to keep you full and keep the sweet cravings away.
• Keep it simple, but also be open to new recipe ideas.  @whole30recipes on Instagram has given me some great ones - cilantro mayonnaise is absolutely delish, and I love the idea of "eggs in a hole" using a bell pepper.
• Have something that's a "treat" that's not really a treat.  For me, it's an iced {decaf} coffee with coconut milk and cinnamon. 

Over the last week, I've watched people eat pancakes, cookies, and cake, and miraculously, I feel no jealousy.  I have no desire for those foods right now and would rather eat the life-giving foods I'm eating to feel vibrantly healthy.  Of course, I know I'll eat them again at some point, but for now, this is just what I needed to regain perspective, enjoy the simple food God has provided, and treat my body the best I can.

Twinsies.

Well, at least we each have a child that resembles us!