Details from our Northeast trip coming soon...can't wait to share it with you.
"Over the years we come to see that the only thing more tragic than the things that have happened to us is what we have done with them." (p. 74)
Many of us have embraced them, self-protected, accepted a twisted view of ourselves, and made awful "vows" to never do this or that again. As a result, we are living shamefully as "victims" rather than freely and dearly loved.
Chapters 4 & 5 really spoke to me. I had an insight while having lunch with my friend Lori the other day. I realized that in my efforts the last few years to give up the control issues in my life, I have somehow also given up control of the things I'm supposed to have control over. In my desire to stop clinging tightly to my life and taking charge of every situation,...I have instead become desolate and unable to take control when I'm being empowered to do so.
Don't you think God has empowered us with the wisdom and discernment to take action when need be? How do we do this in a healthy way? For me that means taking initiative. As my friend Amy says so often, "live intentionally." Often, my "cop out" is that it just isn't in my personality to naturally function this way. I'm often very passive...
"Much of what we call our 'personalities' is actually the mosaic of our choices for self-protection plus our plan to get something out of the love we were created for." (p. 75)
Ouch.
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7)
Double ouch.
It's such a fine line, using that power. Isn't it? It's the difference between saying, "I'm going to make my own way and I don't need God or anyone else" (even if we don't say this out loud, oftentimes this is how we operate) or "I'm going to do what God has empowered me to do." Which one I choose changes everything!
So what can I do? I can take care of myself with the resources I'm given. Maybe I can't stop stretch marks, but I can control what I put in my mouth. I can get up early to exercise. To journal. To not only soak up, but to contribute to life.
What the Enemy wants to do is to whisper lies that sound so much like truths at that moment. As the authors discuss in chapter 5, it's a full-on assault on us as women. Not that men aren't assaulted too, but I feel that women often struggle in a different way. And we're not being attacked because we have no worth...we are being attacked because we are a threat! (p. 85) Let that one soak in for a sec.
As for the Bailey household, we've become increasingly aware of how we really are fighting a battle everyday. Before bedtime, we've started praying fervently for a spirit of peace and goodness to cover our home, praying against the Enemy and any evil that can and will try to enter here. I think it's so important. Especially when we are actively working on our relationships with Christ...we are susceptible to attack in the worst way.
The great news is that we have everything we need to fight it! Fighting is something else that doesn't come naturally to me...another thing I have to remind myself that I need to do, in the right way. The bottom line is that The Enemy fears our restoration. And he will do everything he can to attack that. But God is much more powerful, hallelujah.
"For Zion's sake I will not hold My peace,
And for Jerusalem's sake I will not rest,
Until her righteousness goes forth as brightness,
And her salvation as a lamp that burns.
The Gentiles shall see your righteousness,
And all kings your glory.
You shall be called by a new name,
Which the mouth of the Lord will name...
You shall no longer be termed Forsaken,
Nor shall your land any more be termed Desolate;
But you shall be called Hephzibah ["My Delight Is In Her"], and your land Beulah ["Married"];
For the Lord delights in you."
(Isaiah 62:1-4)
So, I am praying for my "new name." I am ready to move from "Desolate" to a name that characterizes peace, trust, and great confidence in who I am in Christ.
All excerpts from Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul by John & Stasi Eldredge.
More to come from Captivating soon...(ch 4 & 5).
All excerpts from Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul by John & Stasi Eldredge.
My dear friend Lori so kindly gave me a wonderful book as a gift: When the Heart Waits by Sue Monk Kidd. Could this book any more clearly speak to exactly where I am right now?
"Overhead a thickening of clouds wreathed everything in grayness. It was February, when the earth of South Carolina seemed mired in the dregs of winter. I had been walking for miles; I don't know how many. I could feel neither my toes inside my shoes nor the wind on my face. I could feel nothing at all but an intense aching in my soul.
For some months I had been lost in a baffling crisis of spirit. Back in the autumn I had awakened to a growing darkness and cacophony, as if something in the depths were crying out. A whole chorus of voices. Orphaned voices. They seemed to speak for all the unlived parts of me, and they came with a force and dazzle that I couldn't contain. They seemed to explode the boundaries of my existence. I know now that they were the clamor of a new self struggling to be born." (p. 3)
Yes, that's the first page of the book. Page 3 and I've already underlined the whole thing. I read this in bed last night and whimpered a little and then looked over at Steven to see if he'd heard me. Sound asleep, he was. And I - I was actually excited. Grasping the edges of this worn paperback tightly, I felt a little excitement growing inside that there is something great to come. As it says on page 10, "It feels to us like a collapsing of all that is, but it's a holy quaking."
I'm so ready for it. Bring it on, Sue, bring it on.
NOTE: Yes, we're still doing Captivating, but don't be surprised if you hear more from me about this book!
Beauty. Just one simple word that affects every day of my life and the lives of all women I know (and if they say otherwise, they’re either lying or in denial).
Why are we so affected by it? There is a reason, and it began a long time ago. The desire for it surfaces on a daily basis…for me, in the way I dress, vocalists I like, how I want to decorate my house, why I’ve taken so many dang photos of flowers like those scattered throughout this blog post, and even why I just had to have a $2.99 Jade plant named Audrey to brighten up my desk.
In these two chapters, the insights kept coming and it’s taken me quite awhile to process it all. So forgive me, please, for taking so long. Since I read them, there isn’t a day that’s gone by that I haven’t thought about who I am as a woman and how I want to become a more joyous, purposeful one.
First of all, I was reminded that woman was not an afterthought, and quite contrary to popular church teaching, she was not simply created to “help” man. Woman was the finishing touch, the crowning touch of Creation. There is something woman’s presence accomplishes that could not be accomplished by man alone.
There’s a reason God made us this way. As women, we are basically God’s message to the world in feminine form, communicating characteristics of God like His vulnerability, tenderness, mercy, and devotion. Fierce devotion. We communicate an entirely different aspect of the Creator than man does.
I say that, and I feel a little stirring inside. A little bit of extra confidence.
These last few weeks, I’ve evaluated where I am and what I desire. Because whether it’s a new paint color on the walls, a flowy white skirt, or the Blue Ridge Mountains, beauty is something I know I desire to be surrounded by on a daily basis. And if I can't express myself this way, I start to feel really "off."
Beauty was meant to show us something about God and therefore ourselves. In Chapter 2, Stasi asserts that God is relational to His core, and He has a heart for romance (p. 26). I don’t know about you, but it’s hard for me to think of God this way sometimes. I see Him more as my Father than someone who wants to go on adventures with me, someone who romances me. Yet I know He put things in this world like flowers and mountains and oceans because He could, just for me to enjoy. So isn’t beauty quite important to Him?
“Nature is not primarily functional. It is primarily beautiful. Stop for a moment and let that sink in. We’re so used to evaluating everything (and everyone) by their usefulness that this thought will take a minute or two to begin to dawn on us. Nature is not primarily functional. It is primarily beautiful. Which is to say, beauty is in and of itself a great and glorious good, something we need in large and daily doses.” (p. 34).
Dangling my legs on the edge of the Grand Canyon or riding along the cliffs of the Italian Riviera, I got this. Some of my favorite places of natural beauty are those of both adventure and rest. What I didn’t realize is that I don’t have to be in the middle of the mountains or at the beach to have a part of God’s beauty, or to feel beautiful.
In Genesis 2:18, when God creates Eve, the phrase used is "ezer kenegdo" (p 31). After I found this out, I pondered it for days! The phrase "ezer" is used 20 other times in the Old Testament, all referring to God in a lifesaving capacity. So the only other time it's used to describe someone besides God, it's describing woman in relation to man.
What??
So “ezer” means “lifesaving,” and "kenegdo" means "alongside” or “counterpart." That means we are literally man's lifesaving counterpart. It is a noble calling. And knowing that changes a lot of things. It gives me confidence. It also encourages me to really be who I am meant to be, because it doesn't only affect ME when I'm not doing so. It affects others and their own beauty. And it affects man and his masculinity.
I don’t know about you, but for some reason, I always pictured Eve at that fated moment with the serpent, standing by the fruit tree, with Adam over in some other area of the Garden doing his thing. But I learned that the original text says that Adam was literally standing there beside Eve "elbow to elbow" (p. 48), yet saying nothing! Completely silent, he stood there while Eve was tempted, and they both succumbed to it. At that moment, Eve controls, man is passive, and they both think they know better than God. And so it goes every day for the rest of our time on this earth. We fall. We sin. And our specific roles are not often clearly defined or celebrated.
Sometimes this definition is extremely clear...like when the TV is on :) My husband's current favorite show is "Dirty Jobs" on the Discovery Channel. It's the story of this guy, Mike Rowe, who goes across the country interviewing and participating with people whose daily jobs are really filthy dirty - like a cement truck chipper, compost maker, or termite killer. Ladies, watch out. I’ve seen enough slime, sludge, and poo on this show to last me for the rest of my life! But there’s something really attractive about the fact that it’s his favorite show, ya know?
"Beauty is the essence of a woman. We want to be perfectly clear that we mean both a
physical beauty and a soulful/spiritual beauty. The one depends upon and flowers out of the other. Yes, the world cheapens and prostitutes beauty, making it all about a perfect figure few women can attain. But Christians minimize it too, or overspiritualize it, making it all about 'character.'" (p. 36)
Could that be more true? Why is beauty either stifled, or abused? Honestly, I’ve spent much of my life conflicted by the idea of beauty. Either abusing it or just blowing it off altogether, I’ve gone both extremes. And this just isn’t going to cut it anymore. I’m about to be 30, and I’m ready to change. I want to be free to embrace it, knowing that it’s OK to want it without being vain! It’s OK to admire it and express it… God’s way.
It’s so rare to find it being expressed, well,…beautifully. I can’t even stand in line at CVS to buy a pack of gum without being bombarded by images of emaciated celebrities…who’s lost their baby belly and who has cellulite, who’s on the newest miracle diet. Beauty tainted.
But then I see the stark contrast when I encounter a woman who is comfortable in her own skin. A woman who knows her calling and lives by it. A mother spoke at one of my recent Bible studies about parenting, and she was absolutely radiant, with love and purpose pouring out of every word. She had smile lines all around her eyes and was barely wearing any makeup. And I couldn’t take my eyes off of her.
I also think about the beautiful ladies I met in India. Their faces were weathered, worn. They couldn’t speak a lick of English but I could see their fierce strong femininity in their eyes and their intense grasp of my hand.
Finally, the part of chapter 3 that absolutely disarmed me was the quote: “Beauty says ‘All
shall be well.’” (p. 38) “This is what it’s like to be with a woman at rest, a woman comfortable in her feminine beauty. She is enjoyable to be with. She is lovely. In her presence your heart stops holding its breath. You relax and believe once again that all will be well. And this is also why a woman who is striving is so disturbing, for a woman who is not at rest in her heart says to the world, ‘All is not well. Things are not going to turn out all right.’”
How desperately I want to be a woman who creates an environment of peace. After all, what does it say about the God I follow when I am anxious and doubting and harried all the time?
My husband reminded me last night that it’s impossible to worry and have peace at the same time. One of the ways I listen to lies is by believing that I have no beauty to offer, either physically or relationally. I start to spiral in a sea of negative thoughts rather than reminding myself that I do possess beauty and have much to offer. I have purpose and things are going to be OK. As it says in chapter two, there are "unique essential, strong, and breathtaking ways that women bear the image of God."
Today, I'm going to concentrate on how I bear His image in a unique way. I'm going to look forward to taking modern dance and the fun photo shoot I'm doing tonight with my photographer friend. I'm going to take breaks from work and go outside to look at my flowers. I'm going to be excited about today and hopeful about the future, knowing, really knowing...
All excerpts from Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul by John & Stasi Eldredge.
"The future is a blank without a view.
That which I wanted most, You have denied;
I cannot understand (and I have tried);
There's nothing I can do but wait on You.
Earth offered much, and I had, lingering long
Outside her lighted windows, wistful grown -
Till at my side I heard a voice – Your own.
Lord, how could I resist a love so strong?
Take all away. I am content to know
Such love is mine-for life is all too brief
To grieve for pleasures bringing only grief;
Give me but You; it is enough just so.
Enough – and more! Such love in You keeps growing-
In You I find my deepest joy complete,
All longing satisfied, and pain made sweet;
In You my cup is filled to overflowing."
~ from Sitting By My Laughing Fire by Ruth Bell Graham, which I read over and over last night until I fell asleep. Order your own free copy here...
I haven't forgotten Captivating! Thanks for being patient, all of you! I will post soon on Chapter 2, and I'm currently in the middle of Chapter 3, which is severely rocking my world. Can't wait to hear your thoughts!
Who am I as a woman? I still have no earthly clue how to answer that question. Maybe because most of the time, I still feel like a girl living in an adult world. I feel like a teenager agonizing over what she will wear to the dance on Friday night. I am OK with still feeling a lot younger than I am and with people mistaking me for a teenager at the movie theater. But what I want to gradually deal with and move past are the immature obsessions of a girl who still hasn’t completely found her confidence in something that is so much bigger than what this world has to offer.
I am learning that we as women are the representation of God’s "feminine" qualities to the world…a revelation of God’s "mercy, mystery, beauty, and His desire for intimate relationship." Perhaps we want to be desired so badly because God Himself wants us to desire Him. As much as He pursues us, He wants a response from us. It’s amazing to me that Christ fills both the masculine and feminine roles, and that is why it was "very good" when he fulfilled creation by designing both man and woman.
But as soon as we enter this world, we begin to be attacked by the arrows of life, our sin rears its ugly head (thanks, Eve), and what we were truly made to be gets shifted around, fought against, wrongly translated and abused. And so we end up with each of our individual stories, with some adventurous chapters and some chapters we’d rather just tear out of the book altogether. What I'm realizing though, is that underneath the details, our stories as women are really all the same. The friend I am doing this study with - well, we couldn’t be more different. Our answers for practically every question in the book so far have been opposite, yet we "get" each other. At the core of it, we are doing this study for the same reason. To recapture - or perhaps capture for the first time - who we are as women.
In Chapter 1, I loved the story of John & Stasi canoeing at Oxbow Bend and the picture of beauty as Stasi helped canoe her family to safety. Even in a moment when she was using all her strength, she was uniquely feminine. It reminded me that the picture of a "godly woman" that I grew up with - the perfectly coiffed, manicured lady with creased slacks always working in the church kitchen - isn't necessarily what a Godly woman has to be. In Stasi's example, she fulfilled her uniquely feminine role, and John fulfilled his uniquely masculine one, but they worked together as a team. Love that. The fact that Steven and I are a team is probably my favorite thing about our marriage.
I look at this favorite photo of me with my dad at Virginia Beach, circa 1983. 5 years old. Little did I know about beauty; I
was just free to be a little girl. I loved my daddy, and I especially loved being at the beach with him. He made me feel special and like a little lady. Today, when I look at it daily (since it's in our bathroom), I'm reminded of what I want to keep about myself. I mean, my hands can barely fit around his waist but I'm hugging tight. I want to embrace life like that. I want to embrace my Heavenly Father like that.
"Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy. The result is shame, the universal companion of women." (p. 7)
Yet, somewhere along the way from 5 years old to 29 years old today, I've experienced that shame. Because now when I look at this photograph, with all the good things, I also notice that my thighs have always been quite thick! It makes me want to barf to admit a thought so ridiculous, but it's true. Not just appearance-wise, but somehow between age 5 and now, I've let the world (and the church!) dictate who I should be. Gag.
"Aware of our deep failings, we pour contempt on our own hearts for wanting more. Oh, we long for intimacy and for adventure; we long to be the Beauty of some great story. But the desires set deep in our hearts seem like a luxury, granted only to those women who get their acts together. The message to the rest of us – whether from a driven culture or a driven church – is try harder." (p. 7)
In the workbook, the question is then posed, "Do you resonate with that? Do you ever feel that way? How have you – how are you now – 'trying harder'"?
My answer: "Sometimes I feel there’s not a big place in the world for introverts like me. So I try harder to be something I’m not and I just end up totally drained. It’s such a lie that you have to be a bubbly personality to fit into the Kingdom of God."
I've been thinking a lot about this - my unique personality and how it fits into things. Sometimes I wish I were like those charismatic young women in the church, leading the youth group in skits and cheers and trust falls. Somehow, I was always the girl in the back, dreading my turn. The thing is, one-on-one with people, or in small groups, that's when my true self was free to shine. I can more easily embrace this fact now, but honestly, it's not frequently celebrated.
What do you ladies think? How do you distinguish between what the "church" says we should be, and what God says we are?
Now, let's talk about this whole "adventure" thing.
"A woman is a warrior too. But she is meant to be a warrior in a uniquely feminine way. Sometime before the sorrows of life did their best to kill it in us, most young women wanted to be a part of something grand, something important." (p. 11)
Ideally, yes, I do want to go an adventure. I love that idea. When I think of adventure, I think of hiking from village to village in the Cinque Terre in Italy...or driving through the European countryside stopping whenever I want to take photos of flowers in all their raw, unspoiled beauty, or hiking an unexplored trail in New Mexico with my husband. I think of being accompanied by one special person, or a few people I love. I do want to be a part of a shared adventure.
But how the heck do I embark on adventure here in Dallas, TX? Yes, you can go with the whole cliché, "Life itself is an adventure!" But really? With little money, little freedom to leave Dallas right now, and many of my closest friends so far away, how do I find this adventure?
Probably one of my favorite parts of the entire chapter was at the very end - last paragraph.
We are being invited into "a journey toward the restoration and release of the woman you always longed to be… It’s about discovering who you already are as a woman." (p. 19) We're not re-creating the wheel, here. "Restoration" and "release" imply that it’s already in here. Somewhere deep down, there is a confident woman waiting to (re)surface. Thank God.
All excerpts from Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul by John & Stasi Eldredge.
I'm Christine. believer. idealist. writer. artist. treehugger. wife. mama. daughter. sister. friend.
just trying to see the beauty and share with others along the way. {learn more}
"This is your life, this is your real life, and you are living it. Your life is not going to start later. This is it, it is now. It's funny how a person can be so busy that they forget that this is it. This is my life."
~ Lee Smith
